Fears in School Age Children

Date : Monday, April 20 2009
Source: Guadalupe Lore, Child Care Finder

Fear and anxiety are natural human experiences which can serve as protective mechanisms. Every adult has felt fear in his or her life. Children feel fear and anxiety too, and in some cases it is positive. A bit of anxiety before a test important basketball game may improve its outcome.

But with children’s big imaginations, fear can get out of hand fast.  A child can hear a bit of information from a peer, a TV show, a conversation but misinterpret it, making it bigger and more frightening in their minds.

Some common fears for school age children are animals, thunderstorms, dentist or doctor visits, failure, ghosts, darkness, dying and family problems. Of course, all children are different and there may be as many reasons to be afraid as there are children in the world. Fears can start at any given time. Even a child who didn’t seem anxious about a specific event, become scared for no obvious reason.

Here are some tips to help parents deal with this stage:

• Accept the fear --The reason for it may seem silly or unfounded to you, but it is very real for the child. Do not laugh at her for being afraid.  Don’t deny the feeling by saying it’s not scary. Be supportive by acknowledging how she feels. Tell her you will try to help her get over it. She will appreciate your encouragement. This will open the door to communication in the future -- when you will really want her talking to you about fears and other problems.

• Talk about it -- Ask questions. What does she think will happen and why? What made her think about this? Children get a lot of information from their peers-- which may or may not be accurate. Sometimes they misunderstand or take things literally when they shouldn’t. Talking about the cause of her anxiety is a good first step to ease it.

• Be honest with your child -- If you need to talk about death, war or terrorism, don’t give information that she may not be ready for.  Share your personal beliefs and your ways to deal with your fears. But be careful not to talk about a disturbing subject too much, as she may become even more anxious. Be concise, and talk about your reasoning with confidence. This is what you want her to feel as she deals with her fears.

• Confront scary situations slowly and carefully --When you have talked about fears and how to handle them, approach a real fear gradually. If she still seems too anxious, go back to step one and start again. For example, if your child is frightened of the dark, don’t turn off all the lights to teach her that nothing will happen.  Ask her to choose a nightlight or a small lamp to keep lighted and go from there.

• Be careful with what your child watches on TV -- Something that seems mild to you may be very frightful to your child.  News reports can be very disturbing to children, even if they don’t seem to be watching them. Talk to your child about programs you watch together, to understand how she feels about them. And of course, avoid violent shows and video games, which may seem entertaining but are known to be harmful to children.

Adults sometimes forget how real childhood fears were when they were children.  It is now proven that many adult anxiety disorders first appeared in childhood, so helping children deal with their fears may help them to be healthier adults.